Love...is nothing

Ok so how do i put this in a completely normal way
this blog is going to be me talking to myself pretty much i think
well hears goes nothing
well i had a guy 3 years ago who i really liked but he cheated on me and was an ass and it killed me inside because he was my first boyfriend and i really liked him
so now last year i dated a boy and he was my second boyfriend and he was not so fantastic so i dumped him it was more like a mutual dump, is is wrong to want a guy to talk to you and not make out all the time really like what is wrong with that parentally a lot
and i have had a lot of crushes in between
but you want to here the best part
i have never been out on a date
like really
i was DATING
but no date i was always the Third wheel even when i was dating like what is wrong with me
i want a guy to take me out and want to talk to me for at least 5 min before a movie and not have to have a group of people or have commitment issues or mommy issues or thinking of every other girl in the room issues
like i just want to guy to tell me who they are before they take advantage of someone like me
like whats wrong with that
and now i have had a crush on the same guy for 2 years and he does not give me the time of day
i dont even think i have seen him look in my direction unless my friend (who he likes) is there or if he needs something like his senior preterit done then all of a sodden you need me, and now i asked him out you see but as friends to go to a black belt banquet ( i need a date) and he said yes but then he had a wedding when it was too late for me to get a date
(not that i could)
then he goes to all of my friends and say Oh i think she likes me, and of course there like well i don't know i don't think so, because they are good friends to me
but i just don't understand it just does not get better like he sometimes acts like he cares a little about me and then others i don't even exist like to the point where he has literally bumped into me and said sorry i did not know you were THERE!!!
and now i'm watching movies like , Must love dogs, and the Breakfast club, and any johnny Depp movie that i have and the titanic
and therefore crying my eyes out
and my heart beats really fast when they kiss and i get really angry when it does not work out and i throw things
yea
this was me typing like crazy for no parent reason just to say what i need to say...
thanks for listening if you are
and if you are listening I'm sorry you had to
because it is not a very good story
and if you are reading because you had gone through something similar i feel for you i really do